A little MORE of this Sh1t, anyone?

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Re: A little MORE of this Sh1t, anyone?

Unread post by parametric » Mon May 08, 2017 1:57 am

I can understand both of your points of view Tux and Derek . . .

If one parent is causing harm - as in Derek's case - then a parting of the ways is most likely best for the remaining partner AND the Child - even though the family unit is now incomplete.

It is indeed a happy outcome if this can be mended, by meeting someone new - who the child likes and accepts - so the family unit is restored . . .

As you say Tux - Divorce should probably be the final resort after other avenues have been explored - as it BREAKS the family unit and is likely DEVASTATING for the child . .

Derek's case excepted . . .

I like the shades of grey description - and indeed that is so. Its always kind of dangerous to generalise where individuals are involved - as we are all so different.

I think we're mostly lucky if we're in loving relationships that satisfy on most levels - and enable life to be good. This will of course be ideal for children . . .

Partnering up, even if not actual marriage will always involve getting the give and take right - so each one feels fulfilled.

Hey, I'm no marriage counsellor, but putting two people together from different background - in close, continual proximity - such that the putcome is "happy" is always going to be be a

big ASK (IMO) and generally call for a gently, gently approach while boundaries are identified and noted . . .if it is to be successful . . .

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Re: A little MORE of this Sh1t, anyone?

Unread post by Derek » Mon May 08, 2017 7:39 pm

tux wrote:
Derek wrote:Sorry, I just don't buy the argument that you must stick together just because there are children about (and use money as the blocker).
I didn't say "must stick together" but only make divorce with children harder (not impossible) and also I didn't say money should be a blocker but that it shouldn't be an incentive for divorce (which is currently the case for women).

Basically the objective should be to make parents of minors understand that divorce is not an easy option. There are plenty of shades of grey between a happy marriage and a totally unhappy marriage and often 'working on the marriage' can solve issues, but since divorce is so easy and actually financially outright advantageous for women, it has become the first choice, rather than the last.
I'm not convinced it is quite so easy to get divorced or the financial advantage is there - it took my mum many years to split up from my father, and she certainly had no financial advantage. She bought up three children on her own, always had at least two jobs on the go to feed and clothe us, and not a penny in support from my father. We lived in a basic council house, so hardly a financial incentive. It's a fair old process you need to go through to get divorced, but any old fool (or pair of fools) can get married, so perhaps that should be where the emphasis is: prove you are compatible and fit to have children in the first place. Of course it is a basic human right (or at least instinct) to procreate......

And people who do not get married (which at the end of the day is a religious construct) can split up with no legal difficulty, so how are you going to sanction or prevent their splitting up? The impact on the family unit is the same.

Anyhow, I am tiring of this subject now. You have had my views on the subject, and you are of course entitled to your own.

Chris, you did not force me to reveal my situation, I did it to give a real world example. My choice, and sometimes mentioning it can be cathartic. It's probably the first time I have ever mentioned it on a public forum, mind, so will probably delete my posts soon, but felt it relevant in the context.
Derek Cook


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